Mismatched Socks

Keith is coming home!

2010-06-09T07:10:00.000-07:00

YAY!
My husband has been gone for over a week and he'll be home tonight!

It's time to clean the house and I really should get some food in our fridge.

The girls and I have REALLY missed him!

I don't like being husbandless and the girls need their prince daddy to dance with them at night...I'm just not a good prince :)

No Good, Very Bad Day

2010-05-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

Is TODAY!

There are many pieces to my crabby day puzzle. One of the main reasons this day is making my blood boil is because of... my kids. I know that sounds horrible but it's true....and worst of all I know I'm one of the biggest factors in my girls driving me crazy.

I have been letting them get away with WAY to much, catering to them WAY to often and generally not giving them the guidance they need to respond to what is needed of them...like being OBEDIENT and THANKFUL and KIND....and to do this all without WHINING or COMPLAINING or flat out IGNORING.

I need help and I need it fast...no time for book reading....I want instant gratification help...I need to get through the rest of this day without taking my frustrations out on my children and nap time is only going to last 2 hours if I'm lucky.

I know some of the issues we struggle with but I'm overwhelmed with where to start and how extreme to go for a 3 1/2 year old and almost 2yr old???

Should I:
-only offer one option for breakfast so I'm not constantly getting them things to eat all morning....and send them to bed hungry if they didn't eat their dinner at the table at dinner time? should I just make a meal plan for every meal and snack and if they don't like it too bad?

-throw the toys away that they get out and play with but complain about picking up? Should I just put all toys, games, crafts up high so they can't get multiple things out at once even if that means I won't get anything done all day because I'll be getting things for them constantly?

- put them in time out's all day for every single thing they fight about, every unkind word, every selfish moment?

-always be willing to stop what I'm doing to help, play with or cater to?

-make a game plan with my hubby tonight and flip the switch on the girls tomorrow...can we change our expectation (or at least start enforcing them)all at once or should we do it in steps?

If I was reading this on someone's blog I'd think about all the "picture perfect" ways to handle these issues but my life is not "picture perfect", my mothering skill are far from "picture perfect" (obviously)...and I know there is no such thing as "picture perfect"....I just don't know where to start. I have so many ideas about how I WAN'T to mother my girls and right now I feel like a complete failure!

Any ideas? Anyone? Besides turning me over to NANNY 911 (or whatever that show is called...maybe I should start watching it...huh...)

Lake Fun!!!

2010-05-17T15:24:00.001-07:00

Sadie stayed on the boat floor almost the entire time....she finally let me hold her on the way in when she fell asleep....silly girl.

Bekah loved everything about the lake. I think we are going to need to get a tube so she can do more than be the flag girl!

We had so much fun at Pine Flats with Rob, Katie and Cole. It was a first for both Cole and Sadie! All three kids did great and Bekah LOVED playing on the "porch" of the boat. She had a blast dipping her toes and legs into the water (with a little help so he didn't end up overboard :). Sadie didn't want anything to do with the water so she ate snacks with uncle Rob and played with Cole when on the floor of the boat. Keith and I are still sore from wake boarding and I can't seem to get the water out of my left ear from my oh-so-graceful face plat but it was totally worth it. It was such a great day!

My First Mother's Day Tea!!!

2010-05-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

Bekah has been in a wonderful pre-school these past 4 months and today I experienced my first mom's tea. I was a very proud / crazy picture taking mommy. The kids sang 5 songs (with hand motions) and each child had made a gift. Bekah made me this BEAUTIFUL :) yellow bag with her hand prints on the front....I think I have a new fav. TJ tote! I think this was by far my favorite mother's day moment yet!

P.S. sorry it's been so long since the last post...we are all doing well just really busy :)

Life in Selma

2010-01-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

-Bekah started going to pre-school on Tuesday and Thursday mornings - it's a great christian school in Kingsburg that she loves....and Sadie and I have been enjoing some 1:1 time while Bekah is busy learning :)

-We have been going to play dates, meeting friends for library story time, hanging out with Katie and Cole a lot and loveing it!, picking up the disastered house before daddy comes home while getting a homemade dinner on the table...almost every night :), playing a lot of make believe....princess, grocery shopping (with fake food and the orange tree outside our house), lion, fort castles, tea party, Friday night movie nights....with homemade sugar popcorn! The girls are playing so much better together lately - they still fight but what sisters don't - right?:)

- Sadie has gone Pee-on-the-potty a few times! It's so fun to see the excitement of both girls and to follow bare buns Sadie running into the Kitchen for a pee-pee treat...oh and she loves to walk around in these light up princess heals. Sadie loves to accesorize and Bekah loves to wear the "moving" dresses.

-I've started doing a Turbo - Jam video since I'm not able to go to the gym and the girls do it with me sometimes...although they only last about 3 min - such slackers :)

-Keith is getting the hang of his new schedule - he's gone around 6:15am and home around 6pm. The girls are usually waiting for him in their princess dresses ready to attack him when he walks through the door. Bekah is usually either yelling - "Prince Daddy come dance with me!" Or....she will run into her room when she hears him opening the door, jump into bed, close her eyes, pucker up and then yell....."Prince Daddy - I'm snow white and I've eaten the apple and you need to come kiss me on the lips!...and wear your cape" (a blanket he wraps around his neck). When Sadie realizes "Prince Daddy" is home she starts dancing with herself chanting Da-De!, Da-De! And for myself...I watch and smile. I'm so thankful that life is good, that I have a wonderful husband and that my girls have a prince in their daddy...I hope they will always view him that way.....

First Week Teaching Update

2010-01-10T19:20:00.000-08:00

I'm a T-Bird

View from my door toward the center of campus.

I now get to say, "Open your books to Page 470." Such power.

It is impossible to summarize all that happened the first week teaching 7th grade English, so I guess I'll just say that I made it! It was crazy and confusing at many points, but God sustained me and I know He's placed me precisely where I'm at for His purposes. Dinuba? Really? Yep.

The school is certainly facing challenges. Nearly all students come from poor homes, so the school provides free breakfast and lunch to all students. The test scores are low, and if they don't come up this spring, there may be some changes next year. Each week we focus on one CA state standard (this week was cause and effect) and then the students are tested on Friday. This past Friday, only 29% of my students tested at a proficient level, results that were typical for the other 7th grade English teachers as well. Definitely a reality check.

In the midst of this exhaustion, long days and late nights, too many unknown educational acronyms, I've had a deep sense of satisfaction as I realize that I am exactly in the right place. I work with an upbeat staff. My students are hilarious. I have a fulfilling job that I love. And I get to come home Friday night to my awesome girls and look forward to a weekend of family time (family time=Pizza Hut and Barbie movies). What more could I ask for?

It's Not Thanksgiving Anymore...

2010-01-06T13:35:00.000-08:00

I was just checking out blogs and I realized that I still have a Thanksgiving background on my page...wow...I can't believe I've been such a slacker! Although I haven't blogged much either. Oh well.

We just had our first play date that my sis Katie set up (actually it was our second thanks to Lara, Caedra and Grant who came over a few weeks ago :). Bekah had a great time playing with a sweet little blond 3 year girl while Sadie split her time between being a third wheel -trying to keep up with the big girls - and taking care of baby Cole.

And speaking of Cole....The girls LOVE living so close to him...Bekah calls him little Mr. (cousin Gavin is the original Mr.) and Saide runs around chanting BaBy. They love to hold him, smother him, touch him and most of all fight over who gets to be his "mommy"....Bekah even plays house and pretends she's Auntie Katie and her dolls are baby Cole. So cute. I'm so glad we have all found things to love about our new home! I even saw the sun today for about 3 minutes :) I know it's kinda sad but on the up side peole who wear scarves, layers, hats and uggs actually need them since it's so cold....I wear a scarf almost everyday now and tons of layers! That's fun right ?!

Classroom transformation

2010-01-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

Not a bad view from just outside my new classroom door!

I've gotta get some rest before tomorrow, but here are some before and after shots of my new school in Dinuba, CA. Thanks so much to Jan for watching the girls this weekend and of course, I couldn't have done any of this without Cara.

Before:

AFTER:

TADA! The two day classroom make-over. Tune in tomorrow for a first day-as-a-real-teacher report and some more pictures. And don't forget to pray!!

Mr. Badger got a JOB!!!

2009-12-28T21:03:00.000-08:00

Keith just interviewed for a middle school English teaching position at 11am today! At 3:15 he got a call from the principal who offered him the job and asked if he was still interested in teaching 7th graders....and of course Keith said "Yes!" He starts tomorrow getting all the official paperwork done and prepping for teaching--classes start next Monday morning (1/4)!

It feels so good to see the fruit of following the Lord's leading. Thank you to everyone who has prayed and written letters and helped us along in so many ways to get us to this point.

Well, there is a lot to do in a short amount of time! Pray for Keith Monday morning at 8:30....he will start his new career as Mr. B....and with a bunch of junior highers..he's a brave man :)!!!

Five Years Ago...

2009-12-17T12:26:00.000-08:00

Five years ago, I fought back the tears as I watched my bride walk down the aisle towards me. What a day that was, and we've had so many unbelievable highs and lows since then. We've welcomed two jaw-droppingly beautiful girls into our family and fought through a cancer diagnosis, a career change, and several moves. What I would LOVE is if you, our friends and family, would post a comment with your favorite memory of Cara and I as a couple. Or even a wish for us in the future. It would mean so much to us, plus serve as a surprise for Cara, who doesn't know I'm posting this.

Cara,

You and I have been through the gauntlet. I love thinking of our story together, that first night we hugged out at Avila, the night in the parking lot of Mustang Village I finally got up the courage to ask you out, the saturday afternoon you said yes, and five months later when we said I do and then I attack-kissed you. As amazing as all those moments are, the moments I love most are now--and our future is brighter than ever. You deserve so much more than I can ever give you, and I'm in awe of your courage, your commitment, and your ever-growing beauty. Happy Anniversary! I love you so much!

Selma update

2009-12-17T12:13:00.000-08:00

So we're here in Selma and we have a few initial thoughts:

*Love the house; warm, cozy, just the perfect size, amazing oranges in the side yard!

*Neighbors are incredibly friendly

*Foggy!

*Distinct lack of coffeeshops everywhere

*ATT phone lines to the house don't work, so no home phone or internet until Saturday (I'm at Starbucks in Kingsburg). Cara and I have developed a no-internet twitch.

*Sadie was freaked out at first when she realized all her familiar stuff was in an unfamiliar house. Now she's fine, though.

*Christmas decorations everywhere!! I've never seen so many lawn Santas and Snowpeople.

*We can see the snowcapped Sierras! Love it.

*Miss our SLO friends and family!

There is so much to write, but overall we are excited about our new location! We'll try to have pictures by the weekend!

He Is DONE!

2009-12-11T14:55:00.000-08:00

Keith is at school right now finishing up grades and then we'll be off to Selma (trying to beat the storm). I've been working since 6 this morning cleaning, packing and last minute errands so we can leave with my wonderful husband gets home. We are taking the next week for family time and I'm so excited I feel a child going to Disneyland!

So...
Selma here we come!

Our newest adventure is about to start...I hope we are ready :)
And I hope the girls love their new home.

Tomorrow we are going to try to get a Christmas tree and maybe even make a gingerbread house!

All Better...I Hope

2009-12-10T12:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I think we are all better from the never ending flu! And I got a call from my dr. yesterday about my CT scan...all clear!!! Yay :)

only 1 more day!

It's starting to hit me a little that we are actually moving.
The girls and I are going to take Keith lunch at school tomorrow to celebrate his last day of student teaching. I wonder what we should bring?

Flu Flu go AWAY

2009-12-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

And don't come back another day!!!

We have been sick for almost a week now with the stomach flu...yucky

I started feeling the churning stomach on Thursday early morning, went back to bed and lost "it" later that morning.

Sadie lost "it" a few times Thursday evening and when I got up with her Friday morning she lost "it" on me a few times...but then acted fine later that day

Keith came home Monday night feeling odd, lost "it" at midnight and had to go to school this morning since he used his last sick day staying home to take care of me and the girls on Friday.

And then Bekah. I was hoping she dodged the barf bullet but this afternoon when I got home from my CT scan she greeted me with a snuggle hug and proceeded to loose "it" (and I mean all over it) all over me. Poor thing is still not able to keep even water down but she just fell asleep, hopefully for the night.

Ever since our horrible experience last year with the flu (it hit us all really hard) I get anxious anytime the girls are sick so this week has been a struggle. This dang flu just wont go away.

At least we only have 3 more days until my husband will be a graduate of Cal Poly...for the second time :)

5 days and counting

2009-12-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

Keith is about to start his last week of student teaching! Friday night we will be celebrating his HUGE accomplishment. We've almost made it, it's within our grasp!!! We are so very ready to move forward and discover what the Lord has for us in this new stage of life (hopefully it involves less moving around, less doctors, less stress and much much more family time :).

And for the record...I was able to get my hair to look like it's "old" self today. YAY!!! I should probably take a picture. Oh..and this weekend marks the one year completion of my cancer treatment! I have a CT scan on Tuesday and a dr. appt on Wed...hopefully I'm still in remission :).

A Few Pictures of Our New Home

2009-11-28T06:41:00.001-08:00

Well...this is it :). The front of the house could use a little color....but nothing a few flower bushes can't do!

This is the front porch! I'm so excited to have one....I've always wanted a place to relax outside. Now I just need some furniture for the summer time. I think I want white wicker to soften up the dark brown of the house....any other ideas?

And our living room! (btw the front door is 4ft wide - it made moving in really easy). The valence came with the house so I'd like to replace them with a not so gold/fluffy style or I'm going to make some....I just need to decide what color to bring in.

Our bedroom. We have the loving brown wall in but at least it's kinda hidden behind the furniture and drapes...every old house needs one ugly wall right.

This is the girls room. They have their own "walk" in closet and bathroom! So fun! Sadie's crib is on the wall you can't see but her stuff is in there too.

The dinning room. Our table ended up fitting really nicely in this spot and I started doing a little Christmas decorating before we left so those are ornaments hanging from the light.

This is one of the sides of the beautiful built in hutch...I'm finally able to display my china :)

I love this hutch!!! I've always wanted one and right when you walk in our front door your eye automatically goes to this beauty....I wanted to rent this house the moment I saw it :)

"The Nook". I decided to put the girls table in the kitchen nook so that we could do projects and play dough over tile and not carpet....it turned out fitting really well.

This is one of our craigslist find! The house didn't come with a kitchen and our landlords said if we wanted to find one they would take off a week of rent...this stove saved us $152...very cool!

And this is my cute little kitchen. It's small but I think it will be very functional. There is a dishwasher to the left of the sink and cabinets lining the walls above the counters. All of the wood and tile look new and so clean! The house also has central heat and air, fans in every room, a big backyard, a large laundry/service porch off the kitchen -we found our washer and dryer off of craigs list too and I'm so excited to see what if's like to have laundy in my oun home...I'm sure it's great!!!

So we are pretty much all moved in and in a few weeks Keith will be done with scholl and we will take our girls to their new home for the fist time since moving in. We are very excited to settle in and make our first house a home!

So Much To Do...and so little time!!!

2009-11-09T13:20:00.000-08:00

Well needless to say we have been VERY busy these past few weeks!
Keith turned the big 26 years old
Bekah turned the big 3 years old
Keith has 4 weeks left of his student teaching...Yay!!!
and
We finally sat down and talked about what our next step is after Keith get's his teaching credential. After many months of discussing, praying and avoiding the topic we finally made a decision.
WE ARE MOVING....to the valley
And we are actually looking forward to it...and least mostly. We always knew we would most likely need to move out of SLO after Keith graduated but we finally decided to go the Fresno area. My sister - Katie - lives in Kingsburg with her family and loves it. Our good friends just moved to Visalia for teaching jobs. There are about 4 or 5 job openings that Keith has applied for in the area and plenty of subbing opportunities if the jobs don't work out. The rent is lower and the jobs pay more.....and most importantly we both felt led to take this step and go....so we are.
I went up with my mom and the girls this past weekend and after a lot of searching I found a cute little older house that has 2 small bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a big back yard!!! and laundry hook ups!!!! (Keith and I have been married for almost 5 years and we have never had laundry in our home). It's on a quiet street in Selma (8 minutes away from my sister) and our landlords are really sweet... and they live right next door. They offered the house to me a few minutes after we met and hugged me when I left! Oh and it's month to month rent!

Keith and I are moving all of our stuff up the weekend before Thanksgiving (I have sooooo much packing to do!) so that I have a few days to clean our appartment and maybe have a garage sale before Dec. 1st. Then we will spend the first two weeks of Dec. living back at my mom's house while she and Bill are out of town so that Keith can finish school and then it's up to our new home in Selma.

I can't belive I'm actually going to be leaving San Luis - this is a first for me - but I'm ready for the next step in this journy we call life and I'm excited to see the blessings that come from it.

Surgery Update

2009-10-31T10:00:00.001-07:00

Thanks for all who have been praying for my Dad (see previous post). The update is that the doctor said the prostate surgery went "perfect" and the outlook is excellent. I know he so appreciates your prayers, so thank you! Keep em coming!

In other news, I am slightly over the half-way point at my student teaching down at Lopez High School in Arroyo Grande. I just submitted grades for my first term and continue to be alternately inspired and, yes, sometimes infuriated by my students. Some are fighting to get an education despite already having babies or dealing with crippling life circumstances while others lose more and more of themselves through drugs and alcohol. And I get to walk in there every day and do my best to empower them. I love this profession.

Thanks Cara for being so understanding, loving, and just all around amazing!! She is making sacrifices every day to allow me to follow my dream.

Surgery for my Dad tomorrow

2009-10-27T20:59:00.000-07:00

Around two months ago now, my Dad (Mike Badger) was diagnosed with early stage prostate cancer. I'm humbled to remember that he was diagnosed just after Cara and I were reflecting back on the last year and asking Why did God have us go through all that? The answers to the question are unfathomable, but it left us realizing that God has a plan, however cliche that may sound--it is absolutely true.

So tomorrow my Dad goes up to Mountain View to have surgery. Since they caught it early, the chances for full recovery are extremely high and he won't need chemo or radiation, phew! He's in good spirits tonight and looking for how God can most be glorified through this latest trial, but he needs prayer for tomorrow morning and the subsequent recovery. So take a moment just as you're reading this to stop and pray for him--thank you!

Wherever you are tonight, here's hoping that your afflictions are being eclipsed by glory.

Is there such thing as an EEA group!!!

2009-10-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

I've been eating left over pizza and mini cinnamon rolls all day and I need to stop but I can't...I keep telling myself that my diet starts up again tomorrow but part of me really doesn't want it to...and as I'm typing this post all I want to do is go eat more junk food! I think I may need to join
Emotional Eaters Anonymous

Why does bad food have to be so stinkin yummy?

Our Sadie Lady

2009-10-03T18:07:00.000-07:00

icecream anyone

2009-09-29T06:56:00.001-07:00

these pictures are from our summer vacation but they make me smile...

Cole Robert

2009-09-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

is here! My sister Katie and her hubby Rob are new parents as of last night at 11:05! Cole is 7lbs 6oz and 21 inches long!

I can't wait to meet my new nephew and my girls are just as excited. When I showed Bekah (I was sent his picture on the phone) she held it like a baby in her hands and started swaying and whispering, when I showed Sadie the picture she leaned in for a kiss and now they are working on an art project to give him....they already love him....cousin love is so cute.

First Day Of School....Again

2009-09-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

Keith is off to school!

11 weeks

to go!!!

Doesn't he look excited....I'm so glad he found what he loves to do. I've always known that I married a special man but I think he's extra special now....he has such a gift for teaching and a huge heart for his students...it makes me wish I had him for a teacher growing up...

Counting Down

2009-09-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

I'm officially starting my count down 'till Keith is done with school!

12
weeks left

This week we are practicing getting him out of the house by 8am or earlier so that next week we don't go into shock (he's teaching at Lopez Continuation High School so he's going to need to be out of the house around 7am starting next week)....he'll be gone all day at the Cal Poly library working on lesson plans and job applications...so exciting!!!

He has 10 weeks of full-time student teaching..and 1 week off for Thanksgiving so December 4th he will be "real" TEACHER!!!!

Yay husband we've almost made it!

I'm am SOsoSO proud of you!!! and I love you even more!

We're Back! Pt. 2

2009-09-03T14:10:00.000-07:00

On to Hume Lake! That place is amazing. 8 days up there were just what we needed since, honestly, we had been feeling so frazzled and completely drained. Up there, we tried not to worry about what we ate. We didn't think twice about what to wear. We ate an insane amount of ice cream (and one delicious peppermint Hume shake). We tried to be spontaneous. We canoed, swam, biked, read, made new friends, and dug lots of holes in the sand. We had a vacation. Or a "cation" as Bekah called it.

Sure, it was still stressful and tiring many times because that's what life with two active little girls is. But there seemed to be more moments of clarity, moments where we could watch the girls play and think, "What a gift they are."

We're Back! Pt. 1

2009-09-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

What a trip it was! As mentioned before, we loaded up our little Corolla and headed first up to Cara's Dad's place near Bass Lake. Our friends Jen and Brennan met us up there, and then the next day Scott and Annette were awesome enough to watch the girls all day while we went into Yosemite. I completely lost track of how many times I uttered words like ridiculous, crazy, and WOW! Most of the time, my mouth was agape as I stared across the valley from Glacier Point and later stood looking up as two speck-like climbers ascended El Capitan.

For one day, we saw quite a bit of the park, even pushing each other up the Vernal Falls hike (I have never seen so many steps in my life). There really are no words to describe that place.

Our heart-felt gratitude goes to Papa Scott and Nana Netty for giving us a girls free day. And then we get back at the end of the day, and the girls had a blast. Bekah's toes were even painted, a fact she was exceedingly proud of. Another bonus: they were tired. Bekah fell asleep the next day mid-coloring. Hilarious!

2 more days!!!

2009-08-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

We leave for our first family vacation since Bekah was 6 months old!!!...and half of it will be with just our family of four....so technically this is our FIRST family vacation with just our family since Keith and I went on our honeymoon.

Wednesday evening we head up to my dads in Bass lake and meet up with some friends of ours (my old roommate and her hubby).

Thursday we (me, Keith, Jen, Brennan) go into Yosemite for the day (Keith has never been) and we get to leave the girls with Papa Scott and Nana Netty!

Friday we drive down to Kingsburg to spend the night at my sisters and...

Saturday we head up to HUME LAKE! We have friends up there who have opened up their home for us to stay at until the end of the month while they are on their own family get away!

Sunday we plan to wake up slow, have fun, relax, talk to my husband, relax, play with my girls, read, take bike rides, relax, go to the snack shop, eat ice cream, play in the water, relax, stay away from our emails, take naps, run around in the sun and pretend real life doesn't exist....and then we plan to repeat this for 7 days!!!

We are so very excited to get out of town! I don't want to pack, work, prep for being gone. I just want to be there!

Eecho Jello

2009-08-15T07:19:00.001-07:00

Last night, we had a family dinner date at the Laity's and had a great time! During our fun, Bekah decided to name one of Caedra's naked baby dolls Eecho...she came running up to the table where we were sitting and said "look Eecho's naked!!!" We all laughed and wondered where that name came from. She talked about Eecho throughout the night, and then on our late night ride home she said "Eecho's name is Jello". I have no idea where that name came from either but when Keith and I said to Bekah..."so, the baby's name is Eecho Jello," Bekah said "Yeah!" We started cracking up! Good times!!! :)

She's still talking about him this morning!

One Year Ago...

2009-08-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

I found out I officially had Hodgkins Lymphoma...I had become a cancer patient. Yikes!

I remember thinking about my life, my new born baby, my then 1 year old, my husband who I had only been married to for 3 1/2 years and Iwondered if I would live through the next year. I tried to think possitively - having thoughts like....I've always wanted to buzz my hair and now I have a good reason too, I hope I lose all my baby weight since I'm going to need chemo...at least if I get sick from it I'll get thin in the process (that didn't happen at all), and..ok...I'm just getting all the "downs" out of the way early in my life (2 hard pregnancys, cancer and husband going back to school).

Now I'm ready for the "UPS"!

My baby girl is now 1 yr old and is walking all over the place! My big girl wants to go to preschool and told me today that I'm cute :). My husband and I will be celebrating out 5 year anniversary in December and he will be done with his teaching cradential in 4 months! And best of all I'm still in remission!!!

I often wonder why God chose me and my family to go through this journey. I hope one day I'll realize the purpose for it all. For now I'm just grateful that He kept me on this earth so that I could see my little girls grow up. I feel like I've been given a second chance to be a mom and wife and I'm so thankful for that!

Thanks you to everyone who helped us survive this past year! We couldn't have done it with out so much support!!!

What's New With Us You Ask???

2009-07-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

Keith is done teaching for the Summer, and he just found out he passed the PACT (big test of his teaching skills)
Cara has started going on "happy jogs" almost daily....instead of going on 'happy meds'
Bekah loves going on bike rides and can go quite fast now
Sadie is walking!!! and trying to run...she wants to be like big sister
Keith is amazing as usual and gave Bekah a manicure and pedicure this afternoon!
Cara is trying to find the balance between being a mommy, wife, employee, and friend...any suggestions?
Bekah tries to sneak out of bed at night like Cara did as a kid...she lays at the top of the stairs playing until we hear her
Sadie likes to walk through Bekahs block towers like Godzilla and pretend she doesn't know what she's doing :)
Keith has dicovered he is addicted to coffee just like me...we started drinking 1/3 caf. and it doesn't work quite as well
Cara has 15lbs to go before making her goal weight..bring on the veggies
Bekah loves to sing songs...it's so sweet
Sadie loves blueberries...we call them madames after the Veggie Tales movie 'Madame Blueberry'
We all went to the Santa Barbara Zoo last weekend and has a GREAT time together! The girls love seeing all the animals and Keith and I love the drive time....we use it as a date while the girls sleep

What's new with you???

I thought this only happened in movies...

2009-07-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

Keith got up with Bekah around 6am and got started on the dishes....and they got the dishwasher going.....when I got up around 6:45am with Sadie I walk into the kitchen to find Keith and Bekah looking very confused at a pile of suds on the floor...after taking in the foaming dishwasher and growing pile of suds I asked Keith what kind of dishwashing soap he used...the dishwasher by this time is making some weird groaning noises and for good reason......on the back of a very large liquid dish soap container that Keith and the girls bought from Costco it says:
"do not use in automatic dishwashers"...

Oh my two big helpers...daddy and oldest daughter...who could ask for more.......at least Bekah had a lot of fun helping clean up all the bubbles....and part of my kitchen floor got a good cleaning :)

why did i check lara's blog today????

2009-07-08T18:11:00.000-07:00

this is why there is a big picture of me, myself and i on this post....thanks lara!!!

"So I guess these are the rules.. [Lara Laity] tagged me for this. I think the rules are that you have to take a photo of yourself as soon as you see you've been tagged and you're not allowed to primp or get all dolled up...."

...although i have to admit....i did lick my lips just to help myself out a little...was that against the rules...oh well...happy wednesday

...oh and olivia, carrie, and summer....you are tagged! :)

Our Busy Summer

2009-06-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

So I thought once we reached summer our schedule would be less crazy....I think I was wrong. The past few weeks have been insane with work and life but I'm making it my personal goal to figure out a way to have some much needed fun family time...and maybe some alone time too. Last week the girls and I met Keith in AG (one of his jobs is close to the village) and we all went to Klondikes Pizza and then to Bernardo's for one scoop (shared by all of us :) of peach ice cream (flavor picked by Bekah- I would have gone for chocolate). It was such a wonderful fun family date - I can't wait to splurge like that again....we all needed it and it was so so worth it.
Yay for Family Dates!!!

Say Cheese!!!

2009-06-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

Friday night movie night has become a tradition in our home, we...make "sugar popcorn" (air-popped popcorn with melted butter and brown sugar sprinkled over the top, netflix a fun kid movie (tonight it's The Brave Little Toaster), push the ottoman up to the couch so it's like a big bed and cover it with a quilt. Tonight Bekah's best friend came over to join us - they each had their own bowl of sugar popcorn, juice cup, blanket and pillow....sounds pretty relaxing to me :)

Today the girls wresled for the first time and it didn't end in tears! They were so cute to watch...they loved rolling around on the floor with eachother screaming and giggling :)

I think Sadie Won!!!

Last week I took the girls for a Bali's yogurt and they loved it. I love this yogurt shop because you serve yourself - I get them each a squirt of yogurt in their own cup and it costs under a $1....pritty good huh!

Oh these girls are so cute...at least I think they are but that might just be because I'm their mommy :)

Have a great weekend!

Growing Girls

2009-06-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

My girls are growing up...

BEKAH
can sing the ABC'c only missing 2 letters
can count up to 17
wears big girl panties all the time except when she sleeps
washes her little sister's back with soap during bath time
likes to put real puzzles together (the ones with big pieces and with a little help)
wants to pick out her outfit everyday and do everything by herself
and
I just sent in an application for her to attend Tiny Tigers pre-school in the fall!

SADIE
is eating real food...she loves green peas, beets and strawberries
can stand up all by herself from sitting
can take one solid step before dropping to her knees to crawl
loves to scream with excitement when she and her big sis are playing
loves to "read" books, speed crawl for the stairs when I haven't yet put up the gate
and
she has bangs now....making her look like a real little girl

wow...time goes by so fast!

my "Mommy's Helper"

2009-05-31T07:51:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited....my cousin Leanna is coming over tomorrow morning to play with my girls so that I can get some house work done!!! Keith has been gone so much and I've been working close to 30hrs a week the past few weeks (during nap time and after I get the girls to bed I might add) so I've had no time to get any good cleaning done....and it's getting kinda nasty! The girls always want to "help" every time I try to get anything done...the most popular ways are by sitting on my hip while I try to work and by trying to climb up my legs if I stand in one place for more that a few seconds (yes Sadie is the worst culprit - and she does this even if I'm not cleaning!) Oh and by needing to nuggle...you know who makes this request :)

Monday is just a day away...hopefully I can get some good sleep tonight so I can clean to my hearts content tomorrow morning! Is it sad that I'm so excited to get cleaning done?

I miss my husband

2009-05-22T14:59:00.001-07:00

yes...that's all there is to it...I just really miss having my best friend around. I don't know why today is so hard...maybe because it's Friday and I'm tired...or because the girls and I were able to have some real family time with him for a few hours yesterday evening and it left me wanting more..a lot more...or maybe it's just because I have no motivation to do anything and I wish I could just sit down with a cup of coffee and have a long conversation with the man I love

...only a few more weeks until he's off for summer break and hopefully then the missing will go away....

well, I kinda sound like a love sick pup, oh well...sometimes I just need to let myself feel pathetic

Mommy I wanna nuggle!

2009-05-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

This has been a very frequent request from Bekah lately...she is becoming a very good snuggler. Every morning, nap time and bed time she needs to be nuggled and I can never seam to hold her tight enough or long enough...if it was up to her we'd probaly lay in bed all day watching movies and nuggling.

Well I better go....I'm being asked to nuggle... :)

Bed Head and Coffee!

2009-05-11T08:30:00.000-07:00

These two go hand in hand for me...especially when the girls are waking up around 5:30 every morning :).
Happy Monday!

I'm in love!

2009-05-09T08:21:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to be in love with a piece of furniture?

Keith just bought an ottoman for my mothers day gift...at least when I was trying to convince him I needed it I suggested that..."since I'm such a great mother don't you think I deserve it?...and "you can study all day on mothers day if you get me this ottoman!" Well, it worked and I am now the proud owner of a beautifully cushioned ottoman...the girls can't get hurt on it (this is the best part...we used to have a coffee table with pointy edges that the girls were constantly getting banged up on), I can set my shipping stuff on it while I work, it has storage space inside, it's made out of microfiber so the girls (hopefully) can't ruin it to easily and it's a great brown/neutral color...and since my feet can't reach the ground comfortably when I sit on couches (I am very short) I have to have something to rest them on or I just look like my 2 year old with her legs hanging off the cushion...very uncomfortable!

Thanks honey for my ottoman - I'm in love with you too!

A Good Report

2009-04-30T18:23:00.000-07:00

I just had a follow up with my oncologist and he said my labs are good, I'm looking great and he'll see me in 3months for more labs and my last PET scan!

I also took the girls down to Babies R Us this morning to get Sadie a big girl car seat...her hand-be-down infant car seat from Bekah has a tear in the cover now and she likes to rip out the batting...and then try to eat it. So, we headed down bought a new car seat and since my car is to small to get the carseat back in the box I installed it in the parking lot while the girls played in the car. I'm sure I looked really silly but oh well!

100 Cookies

2009-04-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

I just finished baking 100 cookies....and I only tested one! I'm making and serving (along with my two lovely and oh so helpful daughters) a "good old fashioned picnic" lunch to 50 of my grandparents motor home friends on Wednesday. Tomorrow I'm making a lot of macaroni salad and picking up fresh strawberries and early Wednesday morning my order for 100 pieces of fried chicken (I don't know how to make fried chicken...and that's probably good...and even if I did I don't think I'd want to) will be ready to pick up so then I'll have the task of getting everything together, packed up, to the beach and set up and ready to go by noon...oh and did I mention that my oh so helpful daughters will be coming along to...help :). My mom's coming too so I think I might survive..and hopefully with a smile on my face :).

Man...what we do for the grandparents we love!
I hope it turns out well.

3.8 POUNDS!

2009-04-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

That's how much weight I lost this past week!
I weigh myself every Wednesday morning and the past two weeks have been a measly .4lbs so I was shocked and excited about this week....now I just need to keep it off and keep the losing trend going.

Only 25lbs to get to my goal weight and 30lbs to get to my ultimate supper sexy goal...yikes!
Don't worry I'll get there...I hope :)
Anyone want to get sexier with me?

Sadie Lady and Mr. Gavin

2009-03-31T19:12:00.000-07:00

Which is the boy bottom and which is the girl...can you tell?

I think Gavin just wanted to relax and play instead of having a photo shoot :)...Sadie seemed to enjoy getting her picture taken....these cousins are so different!

My First Haircut!

2009-03-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

Today I got my first haircut since chemo.!

My hair was not very long but the back was getting kinda shaggy around my neck and it was driving me crazy. The back of my head and my ears were trimmed up so it's not longer annoying me :) and I actually got a complement on it as I was getting into my car from a woman walking by....I was shocked! I guess it actually looks like a style now instead of a grown out buzz cut!

I think it would be fun to put some kind of color (even though you shouldn't treat your hair after chemo.) in i too....I would have never chosen to cut it this short so why not play around with some fun color while I'm forced to be adventurous :) Hum.....should I go blond like Bekah? or add some red highlights? or just go really dark dark brown? So many choices...I guess while I'm at it I should also try going blue, green or purple too :) J/K

A Good Day

2009-03-04T20:13:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day....we....
-got up around 6:30 and started the morning routine of diaper changes, breakfast, coffee drinking (for me), lunch making and whatever else comes up
-got Daddy off to school around 8am
-Sadie took her morning nap while Bekah played and I got a shower
-got to a play date with Bekah's best little girlfriend Caedra - they had tons of fun jumping in muddy puddles, taking a bath to clean up and eating a yummy lunch of pb&j
-got home for naps (I even got to lay down for an hour)
-got dinner into the crock pot while the girls played - Sadie is now crawling and pulling herself up on everything and Bekah likes to play chase
-got some laundry put away but decided to visit Bekah and Sadie's Uncle Rob at my grandparents ranch for a quick afternoon outing instead of finishing our chores
-got dinner for the girls, a bath for Sadie, pj's on Bekah, books read, toys picked up, Sadie a bottle and down for bed and Bekah and mommy time before putting her down for bed.

It's almost 8:30 and I'm finally done, Keith is almost home from school and I don't have any work to do tonight so I'm going to relax...until I fall asleep so that I can do it all again tomorrow :)

Have a good night friends!

New Videos

2009-02-27T22:26:00.000-08:00

Just a heads up--there are two new videos posted over to the lower right, one featuring one of Sadie's brand new skills: crawling! She also has a surprise ending for you. It's been way too long since I've posted--so sorry for that--but I've been just trying to keep my head above water in a very challenging Cal Poly quarter. My main project is coming together, using The Giver to bring out themes of identity and memory. It's made me stop and wonder at our ability to remember, from which flows our ability to experience and learn and know who we are. Unbelievable!

Alone Time At The Dentist

2009-02-26T14:21:00.001-08:00

So I'm actually starting to look forward to my dentist appointment tomorrow just so I can have some alone time!

I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been to the dentist in years and I probably have cavities but I'm looking forward to just being with me, myself and I. I can't wait to drive there ALONE, to sit in the scary dentist chair ALONE and I don't even mind the idea of being scolded for not properly taking care of my teeth...as long as I'm ALONE!

I love my girls but I need a bit of a break! Lately they won't leave me alone (or get anything done around the house)....when one goes down the other wakes up, when I'm helping one with something the other needs something also, when I just want to poor myself a cup of coffee in the wee hours of the morning I get help!

Well, I'll let you know how painful my alone time is tomorrow :)

Pearly White

2009-02-17T13:19:00.000-08:00

My little Sadie Joan has her first tooth in and is army crawling, sitting up on her own and "talking" in her own special baby way!!! She's growing up so fast and is the sweetest little girl. I'm so thankful that I get to see her grow up and change - I love my little brown haired girl!

Yummy Cookies!!!

2009-02-11T16:13:00.000-08:00

I found a really yummy oatmeal cookie recipe the other day.... the cookies are already gone. I can't say that they are good for you but I was able to sneak some flaxseed in without Bekah knowing and they do call for raisins instead of chocolate chips. So here is the recipe just in case any of you feel like warming the house by turning your oven on for baking :)

Chewy Oatmeal Cookies (off the crisco container)
3/4 cup butter flavor crisco
1 1/4 cups brown sugar
1 egg
1/3 milk
1 1/2 vanilla
3 cups oats
1 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1 cup raisins
1 cup chopped walnuts (I did have any so they didn't make it into this batch)
1/2 cup flaxseed (I added this ingredient)

Next time I'm going to try to us 1/2 whole wheat flour and real butter instead of the crisco...happy baking!

Anyone else have a yummy cookie recipie?

Online Music Solutions

2009-02-01T07:28:00.001-08:00

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

For those of you who love music and find yourself working online often, here are two great websites:

1) listen.grooveshark.com
This one I just discovered thanks to my buddy Dane. It is a music site that allows you to listen to "any song in the world, for free!" It doesn't have every song, but it does have a ton, allowing you to create your own playlists and discover new tunes. As an aside, I was using it yesterday to listen to Kutless' new album "To Know That You're Alive"--yeah, they're not so good anymore. No passion--a bunch of shallow pop songs with some crunchy guitars thrown in. Anberlin, on the other hand, continues their excellence with their newest release, "New Surrender". Check it out!

2) Pandora online radio
The offspring of the Music Genome Project, which just sounds cool, you can type in your favorite band or artist, and it automatically generates a suggested playlist of other similar artists based on pretty complex criteria. It is a great way to discover new music.

Happy listening!

And now something just for fun

2009-02-01T07:16:00.000-08:00

This Christmas, Cara got me a page a day calendar called " The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said", featuring thoughtful (not so much, actually) comments by celebrities, politicians, and everyday people.

From Jan. 27, here's some messed up cliches regularly uttered by a Missouri ad exec:
*The role of the lead goose is to break wind on the other geese.
*He was running around like a chicken with his legs cut off.
*It's all water under a camel's back.

From Jan. 31, here's an actual comment from Bob Eubanks to Stephanie Edwards at the 2006 Rose Parade:
"There's no end to your limitations, Stephanie."

Lookin Good

2009-01-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

I had a PET scan last Monday and it was NO fun! I went to bed the night before with a headache and it never went away. I couldn't eat anything that wasn't a lean protein for breakfast Monday morning (and I had to fast after that), I couldn't have coffee, my test wasn't until 3pm, I had to drink some nasty contrast stuff for the scan and I ended up with a terrible migraine before the scan even started! I couldn't cancel it or take anything for my pain because they will charge you $1,ooo dollars if you don't give enough notice or prep incorrectly. I was in so much pain by 10am my mom had to come and get me and the girls because I was unable to take care of them. Somehow I was able to barely make it through the scan...I had to lay motionless for 1/2 hour. When it was over I walked down the hall to my room and "lost it"....I proceded to "lose it" again on the way home and once I was in bed until my girlfriend came over with her migraine meds. WOW - migraines are terrible! I'd never had one before and I feel sorry for anyone who has, my head was sore for two days after that.

Well, at least the scan came back clean and my labs show no sign of thyroid problems (I guess I have a high chance of my thyroid getting funky becasue of the radiation). My hair is growing in so I don't look so much like a cancer paitent....I just look like a mom who doesn't want to fuss over her hair :). We are loving our new home and I'm so excited that I'm a functional mommy again! It constantly amazes me that 6 1/2 months ago I had my precious baby Sadie, 51/2 months ago I was diagnosed with cancer and 2 1/2 months ago I was given the news that I'm in remission! What a worlwind!

New Video Feature!

2009-01-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

Drum roll please...you can now watch our family videos by looking on the right side of the blog just under "contributors"! I know...how exciting! I posted a few videos from our awesome New Years snow trip. And coming very soon, we will post a video featuring the unveiling of our new apartment; so stay tuned and enjoy!

We Are Moving!!!

2009-01-16T06:06:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the big day - we are going to have our own place again! I'm so very excited and kinda nervous too.....I've never really been a mommy of two on my own before but I'm ready to try :).

We found an older "townhouse" on Royal Way in SLO (it's kinda a cool story) and it is the last one in the row of four apartments. There are two bedrooms and one full bathroom upstairs (one of the rooms is really big - the girls get that one) and it has a living room, 1/2 bathroom and open kitchen with the dining room in the kitchen. I'm excited the table isn't going to be on carpet like at our old place. There is a back patio and shared grass in the back that is fenced in for all the apartments but we have permission to make our own "fence" to keep Bekah in the area behind and on the side our our apartment. It's set back from the street, we are on the end and the apartment we share a wall with is rented to an airline so pilots sleep, eat and leave...and they aren't there on the weekends so it shouldn't be to loud - although we shouldn't be to incredably loud either. We are close to the bus station that goes straight to Cal Poly and we are off of Los Osos Vally Road so it's a strait shot to Los Osos - Keith is having to do about 60hours of observing this quarter out there at the middle school.

Well, I have a lot to pack still so I better keep going. Once we are set up I'll take pictures to share.

Starting To Work Again

2009-01-10T07:59:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a long time...Keith's been doing more than me lately- it was a nice break since the holidays were really busy but I'm glad to be at it again.

So I go to my first Lisa Leonard work meeting this morning since I went on maternity/cancer leave and I'm really excited! I'll only be working 5-10 hours a week but you have to start somewhere... and with 2 kids now I think it might take me a while to get back into the working groove along with everyday life. I've really missed this little piece of life that was all mine--although the break was very nice and necessary--but I'm so thankful that I'm well enough to be taking this on!

God's plan for our life is sometimes a bit bumpy but it's wonderful to be getting back to "real" life - I wonder if chemo really did affect my brain...to be excited about going back to work sounds silly!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-04T14:41:00.000-08:00

This year for New Years, we decided to head up to Cara's Dad's place near Bass Lake, joined by many of Cara's siblings. It was our 3rd trip in as many weeks, and we were a little road weary, but the upside was that we felt like road pros. On the evening of the 31st, we had some tasty BBQ and unforgettable artichoke dip, caught up with the family, and then hilarity broke out with a game of Loaded Questions. The next morning came the moment we were all waiting for--Bekah's first trip to the snow, or "no" as she called it. Scott and Annette live at about 3000 feet elevation, so we had to make a short drive above the lake area to find substantial snow. It was totally worth it! She loved the snow, eating it, sledding on it, tossing it up over her head, and slipping and falling once or twice. We had a snow ball fight, made a snow man to greet passing motorists, and watched Uncle Joshie destroy his body on the sled. And we all laughed and laughed. On the drive back down to SLO, Cara and I both agreed that it was a trip that could easily be made family tradition--thanks to Scott and Annette for their hospitality and flexibility. We had a blast!

Christmas Highlights

2009-01-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

Here are some highlights from Christmas 2008! I'm a week behind schedule, so I figure it's time to catch up before Cal Poly starts tomorrow.

Sadie's new present has been a huge hit with her and Bekah.

I had this game when I was little, and I remember loving it. Now Bekah gets to practice her fishing skills. She's actually really good, and she gets so excited when she catches one, jumping up and shouting out whatever color it is.

This is one of Bekah's favorite presents, thanks to the McGuire fam. On Christmas Eve, when the whole family was over, she put her dress on and came squealing down the hallway into the living room, demanding that everyone pay attention as the princess made her grand (and ear-piercing) entrance.

And then exhaustion overtook us.

Gingerbread house engineering

2009-01-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite Christmas past times is making gingerbread houses, or in this case graham cracker houses. What could be better than constructing a house out of candy and then eating it? This year I drew inspiration by doing a google image search on gingerbread houses, which served to deflate me more than anything else. Talk about incredible! But I was still pumped that this year I got to share the experience with my co-architect and sweet tooth, Ms. Bekah. So we lit a fire in the fireplace, turned on the Christmas tunes, and set to work. Cara pretty much stood back and laughed at us.
Bekah's favorite job was to "queeze" the frosting out onto the house, and she learned quickly that if frosting got on your fingers, it was vital that it be licked off immediately. She also learned that it's a good thing I switched OUT of my original CP major of Mechanical Engineering. I underestimated the candy-laden weight of the roof, resulting in the below disaster.
But we recovered and created a graham cracker teepee instead, perhaps not as elegant as our google image counterparts, but the grand time we had couldn't be beat. Notice the frosting remnants around Bekah's mouth--yep, she had a great time!

Monterey Bay Aquarium

2009-01-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

A few weeks back we were able to take a family trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, a place we figured Bekah would be enthralled by due to her love of Finding Nemo and all things fishy. As it turns out, she was only somewhat interested in the actual fish, otters, and penquins, but she was excited beyond words at the interactive parts of the aquarium: the play area, the bins with touchable starfish and sea anenomes, and of course, the escalator. But all in all, we thoroughly enjoyed our nearly 3 hour stay at the aquarium before giving in the exhaustion and driving back to SLO.

Grandma's House

2008-12-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

After initially calling off the trip up North to see my family, we experienced an amazing break in the spate of sickness, and we decided Saturday afternoon to pack up and leave first thing Sunday morning. We were so glad we did! It's been a few years since we were able to make it up to my Nana and Poppop's house for Christmas, the place where I have so many fond childhood memories of presents, tons of food, warmth, and music. And not much has changed over the years except that the house doesn't seem as big as it once was.
Bekah and Sadie so enjoyed the experience, with Bekah especially bonding with Kirk and Chad, following them around all night long. The two girls were overwhelmed by the sheer number of gifts; books, bath toys, stuffed elephants, a snow globe, DVDs, adorable clothes, and so much more. Bekah had to take a break, watch Boz for a bit, and then come back to open the remnants. But it was so much fun!! Oh, and Cara now has the minivan itch since the Newby's were kind enough to loan their Honda Odyssey for the voyage. I'm not ready to give in yet, but those automatic sliding doors are pretty enticing.

BEWARE: the word vomit will appear below!

2008-12-18T20:49:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say in this post other than to say sorry we haven't posted for over a week. We've been sick. It's been miserable, but we are just putting one foot in front of the other in the slow trek back to health.

Bekah led it off by throwing up several times early Sunday morning. She looked like she was doing better Monday but then Tuesday she relapsed and we ended up taking her to the ER to get treated for dehydration. She has been better since then but still tossing her cookies about once a day and being generally exhausted. Today it was so sad; she was happily molding her play-do when all of a sudden she lost it all over herself, the play-do, and her play-do utensils. Early Wednesday morning Cara caught Bekah's stomach flu and by that evening she was sent to a packed French Hospital ER to get a shot, normal procedure for her due to her genetic condition that limits how well her body can fight a virus. While waiting at French, Jan (who was watching the girls) called to say that Sadie had just started vomiting. Thankfully, Sadie and Cara are now recovering slowly but surely, and we are especially hoping Bekah turns a corner soon though she has been not doing well tonight. We were hoping to travel up to the San Jose area this next weekend to have an early Christmas with my family and maybe even take the girls to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, but it's now up in the air.

I should mention though that Cara and I were able to sneak away Sunday overnight as an early Anniversary celebration, and we had a wonderful time staying in Pismo, going out to eat, and actually going to a movie (Four Christmases was only mildly funny though, in case you were wondering). I'm so glad we had that time before everything went totally crazy.

Christmas music addict

2008-12-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

This year I waited longer than ever to bust out my favorite Christmas music--the day after Thanksgiving. Yes, I did it! I waited until the culturally acceptable moment to begin the Christmas season, a strange feeling after working at the Parable, where Christmas music is heard come October. So what sounds are heard while we deck our halls this season? Here are a few favorites:
Yes indeed, nothing like a little punk rock Christmas music to get everyone dancing. This is Bekah's downright favorite to dance to, or "hop, hop" as she says when she wants me to pop in Relient K. This CD has it all; rocking versions of the "12 days of Christmas" and "Deck the Halls", thoughtful, poignant ballads like "I Celebrate the Day", and some laugh-out-loud songs like "Santa Claus is Thumbin to town." This was the first one I listened to come Black Friday.
The power of this one sneaks up on you. You're whistling along to a good version of "Do You See What I See?" and all of a sudden Todd Agnew's gravelly voice bursts into a whole new dimension, allowing you to see the Christmas story through new eyes, and from multiple perspectives. The songs on this album are almost all original, written from the varied lenses of those involved in the Christmas story (Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, etc.). Though these songs don't always sound "Christmassy", their depth will blow you away. Listen to the first song and last song back to back for an amazing musical journey!
Cara will tease me on this one since she doesn't think MWS is very cool, but there's no knocking its hugeness. It's all about the sweeping orchestra, the glorious choir, and a great guest performance by Mandisa. I grew up listening to his and Amy Grant's Christmas music, and yes, I used to think "Emanuel" was a rockin song. And still, I find myself reaching for his music each Christmas, just not the awkward 80s holiday tunes anymore.

So what about you? What Christmas music gets you in the spirit of the season? Any new favorites?

Our Wonderful Weekend

2008-12-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

It started with my last day of radiation...the office gave me a graduation certificate! Going away for the weekend was a great way to celebrate. We went up to Katie and Rob's and we had such a great time!

They took us to a beautiful tree farm on Saturday. A trail lead us up a hill to the main area and along the way we came across a little cottage and castle that Bekah had a great time playing in. Then we took a train ride around all the Christmas trees (Bekah is obsessed with trains right now she was in heaven - when it was over she said Again! Again!)...it was really fun but really cold! I don't think the temp. got any higher than mid 40's the whole day....as you can see I had to leave my flip flops behind and I wasn't the only one wearing a hat :). Keith and Bekah also had fun going through a corn maze at the end of our visit at the farm. What a fun adventure!

That evening (after a warm lunch and naps) we all went to the Kingsburg Christmas Parade. The girls loved all the lights and music and we treated ourselves to some hot chocolate and popcorn.

The girls did really well the whole time (this was our first trip with both of them) which means that Keith and I had a wonderful weekend!

Thanks Katie and Rob for all the weekend fun!

Some Fun Pictures!

2008-12-04T15:39:00.000-08:00

Keith and Bekah put up a tent in the house one cold afternoon and it became the "hang-out" spot for the rest of the day.

Nana Netty was able to calm Sadie down with some love pats...bless you!

And Bekah took some time to show Papa Scott how to use a tape measure...

she is so helpful!

At this point in the instruction she let go of the tape and laughed as it shot back at Papa Scott...don't worry...nobody was hurt.

Oh Mr. Gavin (my nephew) he had to borrow Sadie's bib and it looks like he likes it :)

The girls and I are practicing our piano skills....we have none but it was fun pretending!

Well, tomorrow is the last day of my radiation treatment! To celebrate we are taking a little family trip up to see my sister Katie and her husband Rob for the weekend....Bekah is very excited!

ATTENTION ALISSA WELLER!

2008-11-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

You should totally come over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're gonna make sugar cookies, and Bekah said she wants to see you! I just asked her, "Bekah, do you want to see Auntie Lissa?" to which she tore her fixed gaze from Boz and said enthusiastically, with a big grin, "YEAH!"

Tuesday Hilarity

2008-11-25T20:25:00.000-08:00

Today was an amazing family day. We started out by taking Sadie and Bekah to Avila Beach. The waves were a little bigger than normal, and it was electrifying watching the storm brewing out over the ocean, slowly inching closer as we played on the swings and slides. I loved it!

Bekah, as always, cracked us up with her ever-exciting antics; making new friends, hunting for starfish (little cement ones along the walkway), and putting sand in her mouth. Okay, so that last one was frustrating. Then we went and shared a strawberry ice cream at one of the little shops.
Afterwords, we came back to town and grabbed lunch at Carl's park (Carl's Jr) and watched Bekah climb through the maze of tubes. From this post and the last one, you're going to think we're not health conscious at all, but it's not true!! Tuesdays are treat days.

Anyways, then late this afternoon Bekah and I went for a walk in the rain. It was only slightly sprinkling, so Bekah put on her pink rain boats, bright pink rain jacket, and grabbed her Little Mermaid umbrella and we braved the elements together. I felt weird, as a Dad, teaching my daughter how to splash in the puddles--but it's awesome!! I refuse to be one of those parents that locks their kids inside when it's a little damp outside. And Bekah had a ball. She ran through puddles, threw rocks in puddles, and even jumped in one or two, squealing with delight all the while. So today had a little of everything--some beach time, some tasty treats, and some rainy day fun!! This is what Thanksgiving break is for. I'm overwhelmed by how thankful I am for my girls!

Biggest Loser Night!!

2008-11-25T20:03:00.000-08:00

Tuesday night means one thing in our house: Biggest Loser.
The girls are in bed, the fire is crackling, our feet are up, and our show is on. I'm excited because this week's theme is NFL, and two of my all-time favorite players, Jerry Rice and Steve Young, are training the contestants. We do have a bad habit while watching BL, though. Somehow the intense training and calorie crunching makes junk food sound oh-so-scrumptious. So tonight my companion is...Trader Joe Peppermint Joe-Joe cookies!! Mmmmm.

I'm Exhausted!

2008-11-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

The girls are in bed - Keith is at school - I've had a busy day like most mom's do and as I sat down to write a nice post my mind and body stopped working! I was even planning on sharing a bunch of pictures but it will have to wait until tomorrow morning....I always write better in the morning as I drink my first..second...or sometimes third cup of coffee...Sadie's been waking up around 5am the past few mornings so coffee has been a necessity!

My mom and I had our appointments with Dr. Malone this morning...mine went as I expected - he asked how I was doing, checked my radiation site since it's getting a bit burned and told me I'm doing great. When I asked him what I should do with my hair since some pieces are starting to grow (although a lot of them aren't) and I look like a scrounge he said I have to start letting it grow some time and I'll just need to wear a hat....he laughed at me when I told him I get tired of wearing hats and if I have to deal with looking at my scroungy hair so will everyone else :)! So watch out friends scroungy Cara is coming!

My mom's appointment was after mine and the first thing Dr. Malone told her was that she didn't have cancer (yay) but that one of the tests wasn't back yet and he's waiting on that to make a diagnosis. If it isn't conclusive he wants to run more tests and send them up to stanford for more detailed and specialized tests. It looks like my mom either has a genetic anemia that would be treated with a shot of EPO every few weeks to help with her symptoms or Milodisplasia (MDS....this can get worse with time and could eventually turn into leukemia...not good!). We find out in a few days if she has an official diagnosis or if the more detailed blood work is required. She's feeling very worn out and for good reason....it's hard to wait for results especially when your body isn't working properly and is constantly in a state of fatigue! She is a strong woman though and I'm glad we are able to support each other...

God sure is stretching us right now and it makes me wonder what He has in store for the future...only time will tell!

Have a good night friends...talk to you in the morning with a big cup of coffee and a refreshed body and brain...hopefully :)

Quick Update

2008-11-13T14:38:00.000-08:00

The news from yesterday was mixed. I gave my lesson as planned at Arroyo Grande High School and it went better than I expected. The students totally engaged with my lesson theme and I had no real discipline issues. After the lesson, my professor (who is also the teacher of this AGHS class) blew me away by saying that I have great natural teaching instincts and that she would hire me tomorrow. She loved every part of the lesson!! Phew!

I went home and took care of Bekah and Sadie while Cara took her Mom to her bone marrow biopsy. The procedure did turn out to be very painful as Dr. Mallone had a tough time getting the stir-straw-size needle to go into her hip bone. On the third try, he finally got it. She came home limping and in quite a bit of pain. We now have to wait until next Wednesday for results, so I'll keep you all posted. In the meantime, pray for Jan as she recovers from the procedure and awaits hopefully positive results.

Back to 9th Grade

2008-11-11T20:56:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is a big day. At 9 am tomorrow morning, I'll be standing in front of a 9th grade class at Arroyo Grande High School, lesson plan in hand and hopefully nerves in check. It's a huge part of my grade for a class this quarter, and every minute will be critiqued by my professor. It'll be good though. I tried out my lesson today on Cara and got some pointers from Josh, so I'm not dreading it too badly. Just in case you're curious, I'll be having them read the poem "O Captain my Captain" by Walt Whitman and then listen to a song by the band Anberlin, and having them think critically about the themes of both. So pray!!

Even more pressing is the procedure that Jan is going to undergo tomorrow at 11:30a. Her doctor is alarmed because her Red Blood Cell count is super low, and the ones she does have are not working properly. This is usually a sign of a serious medical condition. So tomorrow she must have a bone marrow biopsy, a procedure involving a large needle being shoved into Jan's hip bone. OUCH!! After that, we will get results in one to two weeks and hopefully it will not be as serious as the doctor seems to be hinting at. Pray for positive results and for a quick and painless procedure.

Drum Therapy

2008-11-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

Let me begin by stating the obvious: my wife is ridiculously amazing. For my birthday, she pulled together so many resources (people, $, and materials) to transform a beat up old wood shed into a top-notch drum room!! Many thanks to all who helped--and a special thanks to my parents and Scott and Annette--now I can go practice to my heart's content. And Bekah even plays from time to time. Oh, and I apologize to the neighbors, Ken and Judi, who now get to live their life to a beat.

It's been a while

2008-11-08T13:47:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone. It has been too long since my last post. Between school and hanging out with my girls and getting stuff around the house done (cleaned out the nasty rain gutters this morning!), life has been so exhausting. I have been, however, so overjoyed and energized by the dawning reality that Cara is cancer free, a realization that has been hitting me in stages. I thought the word "remission" would cause me to immediately jump up and down and be lost in the moment, but the joy is steady and subtle, mixed in with the other realities--this cancer has taken a heavy toll, Cara (and all of us) are weary, and now Jan is looking like she may have serious health issues related to her alarmingly low red blood cell count and kidney damage. To be perfectly blunt, it's hard to say how I feel moment by moment. The battle inside rages on.

But that is how life is, isn't it? Riddled with sin and doubt and questions, but more loved by God that we can every imagine.

I read Lamentations 3:31-32 the other day, while sitting on the rocks in Morro Bay, and it struck me as beautiful and so what I needed to hear: "For the Lord will not cast off forever, but though He cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love."

Sure we face challenges right now, but we're going to be fine. When I'm overwhelmed, I need only to look at the huge grins on my girls' faces and see the strength in Cara's eyes. May joy be the undercurrent of our life, and Christ it's endless spring.

Radiation Treatments

2008-11-04T17:35:00.001-08:00

I got a call from Dr. Gilroy's office today and found out I will have my first treatment this Thursday at noon....and continue five days a week for 17 treatments total....my last one landing on December 1st! It sounds like the treatments won't be to severe and my body may even be able to heal from chemo. during the radiation....yay!

On another note my mom has to get a bone marrow biopsy next Wednesday. She's been having her own medical issues involving extreme fatigue, anemia and shortness of breath and is now seeing my chemo dr....Dr. Malone so keep her in your prayers....I may get to start taking care of my mom just like she's been takeing care of me....

Happy Birthday Bekah!

2008-11-02T18:59:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my little girl turned 2 today! It has been so much fun to see her grow and change these past two years. She has been my joy and my challenge and I'm so thankful for her. I love my little Bekah Boo and I'm excited to see what this next year brings for her!

REMISSION!!!

2008-10-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

That's right I'm in remission! The chemo worked!!!

I called for my PET/CT results this morning and was told "it looks good" by Dr. Malone's PA...so I asked..."does that mean I'm not glowing(the cancer spots glow in the PET)?"....and he said "Ya, you are in remission but you still need to see Dr. Gilroy (the radiation dr.)"

I knew I was still going to need radiation even if I showed no sign of cancer because studies have shown that the cancer will come back and to the exact same places if you don't get the full treatment so.....I will still get to be stuck in the mask everyday for probably four weeks but it's worth it!

I'm still in shock as I'm writing this post - God has been so good to me - I have been so blessed these past few months! I know it's not over yet and I'm still dealing with some side effects from chemo but it amazes me every day how God has used so many people to help and be a part of this journey--not only to me but to my family also.

Thank you for all of your support and prayers!

Bekah's pumpkin adventure

2008-10-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm Bekah and I am beautiful. This year my parents took me on a family outing to this giant white tent. The park would have been way better. The people who work there look scary. And it was hot, and dirty, and no other kids were there to play with. But Momma and Dadda were excited to pick out a pumpkin. I wore my pretty pink sunglasses and clips and I looked really adorable, as always. Dad grabbed a red wagon to pull me, but he was doing it all wrong so I got out and told him "I do iiit!" Then they made me walk around the dusty tent and look at sooo many orange pumpkins. "Do you like that one? Which one do you want?" They kept asking questions. And then in between Mom would make me look up at her and say cheese. But I just wanted to run around the tent, and then maybe go in the bouncy house and hay maze. Momma and Dadda said no because we were going to go to Carl's Junior. Finally Momma helped me pick a perfect pumpkin, but Dadda took forever finding his. Sadie and Momma will just share ours, I guess. Then Dadda paid the scary toothless woman for our pumpkin treasures and I once again showed him how to pull the wagon to the car. He needs help a lot.
Then we went to Carl's Junior and ate chicken strips. I stole Momma's fries a lot. Dadda showed me how to play on the playground, and Momma sat with Sadie while she slept. Then I met a new friend, but she had to go. I was sad, and then a bee attacked Dadda's nachos and we decided to go too.
Tonight, Uncle Joshy, Dadda, Momma and I made faces on our pumpkins. At first I was a little confused so I just colored all over mine with every different color. My art skills are impressive, I thought to myself. Then Momma helped me cut a hole in the top. Dadda reached down and grabbed the orange goo, and I yelled, "Naaasstyyyy!!" Joshy held a whole bunch of the goo in his fingers and I actually touched it!! I said nasty like 5 more times. Luckily Momma showed me how to scrape out the inside with a spoon without getting any on your fingers. Once all the pumpkin guts were out...we got tired so we made Dadda finish...I let Momma help me carve out two square eyes, one little nose, and one big smiley mouth. Then we took them outside, turned off all the lights, and put fire inside them. They glowed, one spooky, one silly, and one little happy one (mine). I laughed and twirled around on the dark grass until Dadda took me in for bathtime. Pumpkins are fun, I guess, even though they're nasty. And Momma and Dadda had so much fun tonight, which is what made my pumpkin adventure totally worth it. Check out these pictures! And don't forget my birthday is in four days!!

I have two tatoos!

2008-10-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Wednesday and I don't have Chemo. to go to!

On Monday I went to Dr. Gilroy's office and had the mask that I will have to wear during radiation made. It was a very weird experience! I had to lay on a very hard table with my neck on a piece of arched plastic that forced my chin to point towards the ceiling while the radiology technician pulled a warm/wet piece of plastic down over my face and clipped in onto the table. At first it felt kinda like a facial because she ran her hands all over my face molding the warm plastic but once it started to dry it was less comfortable. The plastic has holes all over it so I can breath and see a little (imagine wiffle ball material with smaller holes) but the fact that I'm clipped onto the table is a little freaky.

After my mask had completely dried on my face I was given two tatoos! (they are real but just small dots...kinda like a black head) They placed two on my chest as a guide to where my body needs to be while I'm on the table during the radiation. At this point my head is clipped under this "wiffle ball" mask, I'm laying on a hard table with my entire chest exposed for the tatooing... my eyes are closed but I can still see the flashes from the camera (they had to take pictures of the exact position I was in - I was trying to imagine myself in a happy place :).

So, yesterday I got to wear my mask again during my PET/CT scan...not fun! The test takes about 1/2 hour and I had to wear the mask for most of it but first I had to sit alone in a room for an hour waiting for the radioative sugar to work...couldn't even read my book - I was told to relax. I hadn't eaten since dinner the day before and had to drink a yucky drink so my stomach wasn't feeling that great. When I was taken to get the scan done I was once again laying on a hard table and I was clipped into my mask with the plastic piece behind my neck...it started feeling like a torture device. Then to make the whole experience worse they gave me IV contrast -it makes your whole body really warm and flushed and gives you the sensation that you are wetting yourself! I'm not looking forward to doing it again but it's necessary to see where the cancer still is.

After the test was done...around 11:30am, I got to escape to Santa Barbara with my girlfriend Kim to see our girlfriend Jen for a few hours (since I was radioactive I couldn't be around the girls and was able to leave without feeling guilty!). We had lunch and went to my favorite store in SB-Anthropology! Knowing I had something fun to do after the test helped get me through...Kim and I also picked up a mocha and bagel at my favorite coffee shop in town-The Nautical Bean-it was so yummy!

I should get a call next week from Dr. Gilroy's office with an appointment for my first treatment so I probably won't start until the second week of November...I'll keep you updated and I also have some pictures to download so hopefully I can get that done soon!

Last Chemo!

2008-10-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so very excited! Today is my last chemo. treatment!

I go in at 2:30 this afternoon to have my weekly appointment with Dr. Malone and then I'm off to get my chemo. and to have my PICC line removed. I'm a little nervous about getting the line taken out, although it will be nice to not have to wrap my arm in saran wrap every morning before I get in the shower. It's over a foot long and goes up my arm and ends near my heart - I've heard it doesn't hurt when it's removed so I hope that's the case. I also hope that I get to stop taking all the oral medications that go along with the chemo. - I want to be drug free!!! :)

On Monday I go back to see Dr. Gilroy (he's the radiation dr.) to have a mask made for my treatments - I guess they make a mask so that my head stays in certain positions while they radiate my neck and chest. Then on Tuesday I get another PET/CT done to find out where the cancer still is and Dr. Gilroy's office will use that scan to determine my specific plan (where and how deep to radiate). It sounds like I will have 4 weeks of treatment, 5 days a week starting the first week of November. It's going to be kinda a pain having to go everyday but the side effects aren't as severe as chemo. The most common side effects are fatigue, skin irritation (just at the site area) and esophageal pain (towards the end). He said I may lose weight since my esophagus will probably start to hurt when I swallow but I'm ok with that.....I'll just think of it as my post. preggo weight loss plan :).

I'm looking forward to this next step - each day that passes means I'm that much closer to the finish line!

Chemo #7

2008-10-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

I just had my second dose of Chemo for the week yesterday - it really wiped me out last night but I slept really well :). I also got to hang out with my girlfriend Jen Clark all day yesterday! We did errands with the girls in the morning...including going to the library and then she went with me to my chemo. appointment. The last few weeks I've been going alone so it was fun to have some company....then we swung my Country Culture and got some of my favorite yogurt....Berry Berry...it was so good! Oh...and I sported my buzz cut yesterday (no scarf or hat) since it was so hot and nobody looked at my funny - I was pretty proud of myself :).

So, when we got home Bekah was playing in her little blue kiddie pool and sprinklers out front and Jen and I spent a little time watching and playing with her until I ran out of energy and Sadie woke up from her nap. I also get to give myself those lovely shots for the next 4 days so they should make me feel better and later this morning I have my first appointment with my radiation dr. so I'm excited to see what this next part of treatment looks like.

In other news...Keith's birthday is on Sunday...he's turning the big 25! We are having a little party for him tomorrow and his parents are coming into town for the day to help celebrate so I'm hoping to have enough energy to share in the birthday fun!

Have a great weekend!

Lint Brush

2008-10-13T18:27:00.000-07:00

The other night I was sitting watching TV running my hand over my buzzed head in attempt to get rid of all the loose hair before going to bed....I don't like to shed on my pillow.... Anyways I came up with a new invention. A Lint Brush! It has the word 'brush' in the title so it could be used for hair right? :). So - I grabbed my brush, sat in the comfy blue chair and watched my TV show while I got my head ready for bed! And when the sticky part got covered with hair I'd just pulled off the top sheet and keep going...it works great, I highly recommend it!!!

Here are some other fun pictures for your enjoyment!

I found Bekah's cute brown had this Saturday and had to get it...I got one for Sadie too :)

Crista did a great job chopping my hair and then finishing it off with the hair clippers

As you can see Bekah enjoyed the show by lounging in her bear chair eating Lucky Charms!

My sweet Sadie girl taking a nap...I'm shocked she's not sucking her thumb - I guess she's giving it time to air out :)

Such good friends...Caedra and Bekah are enjoying pops after playing in the pool and having tea party snacks.

Going Numb

2008-10-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

My fingers tips are going numb...grrr! They started getting sensitive the other day and this morning when I was rinsing dishes under warm water they started to hurt. I knew this was a potential side effect and I'm glad it hasn't effected my toes yet but it's still kinda frustrating.

Other news...Keith got home safe from being down south for a wedding this weekend and is already off this morning to get things done for school. Sadie rolled over from her tummy to her back the other day on accident (I missed it but my mom saw her do it) and she loves sucking her thumb! And Bekah...well she's busy as usual. She loves to color, dance, run around outside, help burp Sadie and is still talking up a storm! I have two days of chemo. this week but I get to start tapering off of the prednisone...Yay! and I haven't forgotten about posting a picture of my hair - I need Keith to download it onto the computer...I always forget how to do it :).

My New Look

2008-10-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

So I finally did it and I'm calling my new look....

Post Prego GI Jane
meaning - my hair looks like GI Jane but my body looks like I had a baby 3 months ago. I went in for my chemo #6 yesterday and also had an appointment with my dr. I asked him if he thought I would be able to make it through my whole chemo. treatment without loosing to much more hair since it had already thinned a lot. He told me that the chemo. I was going to be getting in the next two weeks would finish off my hair and it's already dead and dry. I said "so I guess it's time to buzz it" and his response was "you could always give yourself a mowhawk for a day before you shave it!" That made me laugh and although I didn't take his suggestion I am kinda relieved to have it gone. It was getting tedious having so much hair constantly ready to fall out and I didn't want to get to the point of it falling out in chunks.

Yesterday my sister Crista shaved it while Bekah watched. I gave her some lucky charms (a very special treat) and had her sit in her bear chair while I talked about how fun it was that I was getting a new haricut. She didn't want to feel it at first but by bedtime she was asking to "tooch it". She would tenderly graze my head with one finger and then do her wiggle dance with a huge smile on her face because it felt funny :). Sadie doesn't seem to notice and Keith seems to be getting "used" to it as well. He kissed my head before leaving for school this morning and I'm taking that as a good sign.

I'll post some pictures soon :).

Some Fun Pictures!

2008-10-06T15:12:00.001-07:00

Bekah and Sadie lounging on the floor together before bedtime.

Early Saturday morning Bekah wanted to watch the rain from the porch in her bear chair. My mom and I were out with her drinking our coffee while she had her juice.

Bekah riding her horse in her new red boots before Church.

Sadie and Bekah enjoying time with Auntie Katie. (Bekah is digging for gold in her boots...she's such a cowgirl :)

Sister time is so precious...especially when it's spent in similar dresses.

A New Friend

2008-10-06T07:14:00.001-07:00

This picture was taken a few weeks ago when Olivia, Tommy and their daughter Aria were visiting. Bekah loved playing with Aria and talked about her for for days after the play date.....saying...."Are?" (where is my friend Aria?) and "ByeBye" (Aria went bye bye) and "NighNigh" (good night Aria).

Olivia and I have been good friends since high school and it was so nice seeing her and her little girl....and Tommy too :).

Chemo: Dose 5

2008-10-02T17:41:00.000-07:00

Well I'm over half way done with chemo. and then comes radiation. I had my 5th dose on Wednesday afternoon and I'm feeling pretty tired today and kinda achy but that's totally normal. The nausea hasn't been too bad and I have pills that help. Keith is at school right now and Bekah is coloring while Sadie sleeps. Life is moving right along and the weather is finally changing! I can't wait for the first rain...Keith tells me it might even be this Saturday :).

Library Time

2008-09-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

Keith has Tuesdays off school and since he studied all weekend we decided to take the girls to the city Library today for a "fun" family outing. Bekah has been once with Keith so she was really excited to go. We got there around 10:45 and stayed for an hour. Bekah found the same book she got last time (an airplane book) but Keith found some other new ones for her to try and Sadie....well she had a poop (I got to take care of that) and then wanted to be held. Keith was also looking for a book for school (that way he will have one less book to buy...I came up with that idea...yay me :) and it took a while to find. So he had Sadie and I ended up strolling Bekah around in Sadies carseat throughout the Library - trying to keep her quiet. Then when we were ready to go Sadie was ready to eat (of coarse) and Bekah was ready to run around. We all had a good time but we were exhaused by the end of it and ready for lunch and naps!

Right now Bekah is on an evening walk with Grammy and Grandpa and Sadie is relaxing in Keiths arms. I'm waiting for 8:00 to roll around because I like watching Biggest Loser with my little bro. Josh (while eating popcorn and icecream :) I know - I'm terrible but I look forward to it every week and I did get some skinny cow icecream sandwiches for tonight! I've heard that you can lose your appetite during chemo.....this still hasn't happened to me yet....oh well. I'll let you know how chemo. goes tomorrow.

Little Updates

2008-09-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

Keith's first day of school picture. :)
(Bekah's doll Sally is in his bag but he didn't actually take her to class)

He is on campus right now enjoying his first week of school - he's taking 17 units this quarter and has a lot of work ahead of him but he's actually looking forward to it. I'm so glad that he is pursuing a career that he will thrive in and enjoy! He's going to make such a great teacher and I'm so proud of him!

Bekah is still not potty trained but we are trying to encourage her by offering m&m treats....and book reading time. She is loving her play dates every week and is learning new words everyday! I love watching her grow into a little girl. We have our special time together in the mornings snuggling while watching cartoons and in the evenings she finds me resting in bed and brings books in to read before she goes to bed. I love those special moments with her.

Sadie is gowing so much. Every time I pick her up I'm shocked at how big she feels. She loves sucking her thumb and is sleeping in her crib really well these days. She's learning to be a little more independent - she likes spending time in her bouncer hitting the toys that hang in front of her and on her floor play mat (especially when Bekah is not around). She is defanetly a daddy's girl and she looks forward to her midnight feeding with him each night :).

Well - it's Thursday afternoon and I never got the chills and fever side effect...thank the Lord! I'm still really tired and my body is achy but I can handle that. My hair is still shedding and I kept waking up last night wondering if it had fallen out yet - I was getting so frustrated with myself I almost just shaved it on the spot so that I wouldn't think about it anymore. Don't worry I didn't but is was a thought :).

Tomorrow is Friday and my sister Katie and her husband Rob are coming into town for the weekend and I'm really looking forward to seeing them!

A Day Early

2008-09-24T16:45:00.000-07:00

I went in for my weekly Dr. Malone appointment and blood draw today and ended up getting my chemo. treatment also (I was scheduled for tomorrow afternoon but the nurses were trying to save me an extra trip in). I guess it was a good thing since I had already started dreading this weeks dose.....it's the drugs that gave me severe chills and a high 104 degree fever. They gave me some extra drugs to help with the severity of the reaction and some antibiotics since I'm still sick with a cold...so in a few days I should be feeling good.....although I may be bald :/. I was told that around week four is when you start losing your hair and I've already noticed a bit of shedding. Oh well - I have always said that if I was a boy I'd shave my head and now I will probably get to do it as a girl. I also told Keith that he was going to get to shave his head with me - that way if we are walking around town people won't know who the cancer patient is :).

Well - I'm half way done...at least with chemo. YAY!!!

Also I'd just like to share with everyone that I'm ready for some cooler weather! I want to be able to snuggle up under a blanket with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate and read a book, or be able to wear jeans and a sweatshirt on the days I feel like hiding my post prego. tummy pudge, or lay in bed and listen to the rain. My mom put out her Autumn decorations today and it reminds me that fall is just around the corner.

Grammy and her girls!

2008-09-22T12:34:00.001-07:00

I am so thankful for my mom!!! She is the most amazing grammy to my girls. From sunrise to well past sunset she is busy filling my shoes loving, nurturing and instructing my little ones. She's the most selfless and giving person I know and I'm so very thankful I'm her daughter. I pray that once life is back to "normal" and Keith and I are on our own again I will be able to love my girls as well as my mom has. Thanks mom for all you do!!!

A Family Affair

2008-09-21T17:19:00.001-07:00

After my second dose this week of Chemo I was given 4 shots to take home that are supposed to help boost my white blood cell count. The nurse instructed my mom on how to give an injection but she felt more comfortable having my younger sister (who is a medical assistant) show her how to give it before trying herself....so yesterday evening Kacey came over and gave me my first injection. I decided to take a picture from my viewpoint right before Kacey stuck me in the belly. It was actually pretty funny watching everyone shuffle around not wanting to miss any of the excitement.....

Chemo: Dose 3

2008-09-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

This week Cara got one bonus day of chemo. She got her normal dose on Thursday, three different drugs that actually didn't hit her too badly. Then on Friday she went in again for an additional dose, and this one has left her extremely exhausted with bouts of nausea. She's been laying around pretty much all day sleeping and watching Grey's Anatomy season 4. Over the next few days, her immune system will take a hit, so we have to give her a shot every day to boost her white blood cell counts. So far though, her white and red blood cell counts have been phenomenal--she even managed to kick that cold she had early this week! So, at the beginning of the third week we have so much to praise God for and much to pray for. We definitely wanted to thank all those who watched Bekah and brought meals this last week!

The other big news is that Sadie has slept through the night 3 times this past week! I was shocked in such a good way when I woke up wednesday morning and realized that I hadn't fed Sadie the previous night. God knew that we needed a sound sleeper the second time around. On the Bekah news front, she has decided that it is far better to go pee-pee in her diaper rather than in her toilet. We keep on attempting to bribe and coax her to use her big girl potty--but she's not interested in such foolery.

Growing up

2008-09-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Bekah went pee-pee on the potty for the first time! She's been interested in it for a while now but had never been successful in past attempts. Lately she's been taking her diaper off when we put her in her crib for nap time and she's always quick to tell us when she has a dirty diaper so we knew she was getting close to that special time of needing to be potty trained.

Keith went out and picked up some "pee-pee" treats (m&m's) so that we would be ready for the next time she wanted to try and as luck would have it she's not interested anymore. Oh well....I guess I'll just use the treats for me :).

As far as updates go: I'm still sick (I guess I over did it cleaning on Sunday because Monday I started getting a head cold and it's now traveling down into my chest). I have my next chemo treatment tomorrow and one on Friday also because one of the drugs has to be split up into two days. Keith and my mom took Sadie to Sears yesterday to get some pictures taken (I've been wanting a picture of my sweet little Sadie to hang next to Bekah's pictues in my room...seeing their faces on my bedroom wall helps me get through the hard moments in life right now). I think Sadie liked the photo shoot because she slept through the night last night...I guess she wants to make sure she's getting plenty of beauty rest. Bekah is off to another play date this morning and is excited to see her friend Caedra again (she played at Caedra's house yesterday and had a great time!) And Keith....well he's still his wonderful self. I'm so glad God blessed me with such a loving husband and daddy for the girls. He starts back at Cal Poly next week to get his teaching credential (he already has his BA in communication studies and he wants to be a high school English teacher). I hope we can survive without him while he's at school.

Well I think that's what's new with us. Hope you have a great Wednesday....the week is half way over!

Little Vices

2008-09-14T14:13:00.000-07:00

First of all, Cara is doing much better. Actually, she's really hyper right now, one of the strange side-effects of Prednisone. Cleaning, dishes, organizing...she's running around doing all of it right now. I'm sitting here enjoying a rare restful moment, in disbelief at how horribly my 49ers are playing, and Cara is making me dizzy. So, I suppose that is fantastic news. She's definitely doing much better than she was at this point last week. She even felt good enough this morning to have a blast at breakfast with Jen Peet and Olivia Fugler, two close friends who now live away from SLO.

Bekah, like all of us, has a couple vices. Not the serious kind but just a few small obsessions. First on the list: chapstick. Cara used to keep her chapstick on her night stand, but every so often Bekah would sneak off and we'd find her digging her little fingers into the little cylinder, eating chapstick greedily. We've since moved the object of desire but still let her put a little on from time to time.

And my vice is ice cream, or really anything sweet. I love making a good sundae and became way too excited the other night about Marichino cherries and whipped cream. So bad yet so good.

Chemo: Dose 2

2008-09-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon Cara got dosage #2, two different drugs that were supposedly easier to handle than the first dosage. That didn't prove to be the case. Just after dinner time, Cara started having severe chills, shaking and teeth-chattering uncontrollably despite having blanket after blanket put on her. All the shaking eventually gave her a pounding headache. Around 8p she registered a temperature of 104.5, so I quickly called the Oncologist. He said the fever and chills were totally normal after the chemo dosage she had earlier--talk about nasty--and he assured us that the side-effects should go away within 6-8 hours, which wasn't really comforting.

Right about this time, Bekah awoke screaming and all freaked out. Jan and I both took turns rocking her and taking care of Cara as she lay in bed, absolutely miserable. Finally, after midnight, Bekah was calmed down enough to go back to bed, and Cara's fever and headache started to subside enough for her to start thinking about sleep. What a long and stressful night it was!! When morning finally came, Cara was exhausted and weak, but able to rest...and Jan and I were downing cups of coffee. But it appears (we hope) that Cara's worst side effects are over and that she'll just be tired over the next few days.

Coffee!!!

2008-09-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

Keith and I went out to breakfast this morning (we had a wonderful time together) and I was able to enjoy a cup of coffee for the first time since my chemo treatment last Thursday! I was so disappointed last Friday when I woke up and the taste of coffee made me nauseated. After not enjoying my morning cup of cofffee for almost my whole pregnancy with Sadie I wasn't ready to give it up again but I had no choice.....until this morning. It's funny - the little things you look forward to in life - for me it's my morning cup of joe. It's the reason I actually went to my senior year of high school (I got a mocha every morning on the way to school....to this day I don't know how I was able to afford it), it helped me get through those long days at work and it's the reason I would wake up in the morning after Bekah was born (the only reason I was actually able to stay awake those early hours). Needless to say I'm looking forward to my good days during this time in my life not only for a break from all the side effects of chemo. but also for my morning fix. Oh Coffee How I Love Thee!

Mighty to Save

2008-09-08T21:38:00.000-07:00

So how are things going? Although this has proven a difficult question to answer, since things have been changing constantly, it is safe to say that the past few days have been rough.

Cara did okay after her chemo thursday, but then came the weekend. She spent most of the time either sleeping or trying to sleep. The Prednisone causes her to be wired and unable to sleep despite her bodies complete exhaustion, pretty much the definition of torture. On top of this, she was hit hard by nausea, brutal headaches, and even some fun mood swings. Finally, this afternoon she has had a reprieve, laughing and playing with the girls. We are hoping for two more good days until Cara goes in for treatment #2 on Thursday. We keep telling each other, just 7 more weeks!!

One of the high points for me was going with Bekah and Sadie (with Jan's help) to church Sunday. I just had this weird premonition that the worship team was going to play the song Mighty to Save, and sure enough, they did. I sensed God strengthening me as I croaked out "He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save"--my eyes welling up. The next song was Blessed Be Your Name, reminding me that God is still God as we stumble down this road marked with suffering. He deserves our everything when life is sunshine and when life feels like it's falling apart. It was amazing worshipping and being with so many people who care and are praying for our family. We definitely weren't meant to go through this alone!

Well, it's getting late and we need to get some rest. Cara wants to go out to our favorite meal-- breakfast--tomorrow morning. Mmmmm.

Pink PJs, Pink Dolly, and...Airplanes!!

2008-09-06T22:42:00.000-07:00

Now that we live so close to the SLO airport, Bekah has discovered her new favorite word: AIRPLANE! Her absolute favorite activity currently is to go watch the planes land and takeoff, waving hello and goodbye, and going "oooohhhhh" (her eyes lighting up) for the big planes. We borrowed an airplane book from the library and now that's all she want to read, and tonight she enjoyed watching a Blue Angels dvd. I, for one, find this amazing and cool, illustrating the incredible unpredictability that comes with parenting. I'm cruising along, surrounded by pink everything, commenting on how cute dresses are, and WHAM...Bekah actually develops interest in something I never expected, yes something that has always been a love of mine. I swear I didn't plan this. Well, whether a quick phase or a long-term interest, I'll cherish the image of Bekah peering through the fence and waving at all the airplanes.

Sadie

2008-09-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

What can I say about Sadie. She has don't-mess-with-me punk rock hair. She is finally warming up to her overly loving big sis. She loves her bouncer. And each day she captures my heart just a little more. Like yesterday when she looked up at me and flashed a huge and prolonged grin, even thrashing her chubby arms in her exuberance. Or this afternoon when she nuzzled into my shoulder and fell asleep, but still half-opened her eyes every so often to make sure I was still there. She's amazing. When she learns to say "Dadda," I'm in trouble.